30 Dec 2017

From Me to You.

You know those people who are dead-against relationships and will swear blind that they’re better off without? That’s me. I’m one of those people. I’m comfortable with who I am, I know what I want in life and I make plans to make sure that happens. I love being single, and I love being spare of someone else’s feelings. Every decision I make affects me, and only me. So.. imagine my shock when suddenly there was someone who I could see me spending the next few years of my life with. You know when you just, know? I heard people say that, time and time again. On blog posts, in novels and in all of the Hollywood movies when boy meets girl and they hit it off from the word ‘go’. I literally never understood that, until now. I’ve put my guard up to every guy I’ve been seeing in the past and I sincerely thought it was because I was damaged goods. That my darling ex from so so so long ago had truly ruined my chances of me ever trusting anyone again. But it wasn’t that. It wasn’t that at all. It was that they simply weren’t right for me. It didn’t feel right. I didn’t want to make an effort. I felt annoyed when they’d text me and ask about my day. And I’d have to pretend I was interested when I asked how their day was, too. And I genuinely did not care at all. But this time it’s different. Have you ever just absolutely fancied the pants off someone? Been in awe at how perfect they are. How you smile when you get a text from them, honestly I would have found all of this to be revolting a couple of months ago too. I barely even recognise myself. Suddenly I feel like everything’s changed and it’s so intense so quickly that I love it. I love that I can make someone happy, and that actually, someone can make me happy (and I don’t have to buy a plane ticket to achieve that). And I know we’re on the same page. It’s not usual for either of us to feel like this but for some bizarre reason, it works. And that’s awesome. But at the same time, if for some reason it stopped working, that’s OK too. I mean, I’d hope that wouldn’t be the case, but if it was I’d know that we tried and I’m happy alone too. I guess what I’m trying to say is I have become a firm believer in the idea that you ultimately cannot make anyone else happy until you are sincerely happy with yourself. And I am. And we are. And it’s nice. 

This was written mid-September, I can clarify that now, in December, it didn't work out. Much to my shock horror from reading this back, we obviously lost sight of how good we were at the beginning. But I have no regrets at all, and I'm happy to share this with the world because I think it's bloody lovely that once you're happy with yourself, you can try to make someone else happy, too. And if it doesn't work out, then they're not the one. Find someone who will appreciate you for you, and who will have time for you whenever you need them, because you deserve that. We all deserve that.

Raven x
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